Easy children come in all shapes and sizes, sometimes by the dozen United Kingdom, July 14th, 2005, Interview by Kenzi Cahlander, EasyChild Team

One thing Mrs. Turnbull knows for sure, giving birth and raising twelve of your own children in thirteen years can be challenging. "EasyChild is a great help in motivating the children and in motivating me to stay calm, and at the same time impose consequences fairly." Mrs. Turnbull praises EasyChild as the first system that really works.

To protect the families privacy, children's names have been abbreviated, please do not attempt to contact without permission.

KC:    Could you tell us at little more about your family?

MT:     We have 12 children aged from 14 months to 14 yrs. I home school; and on the whole we don’t’ have major behavioral issues. What we had found, however, was that some sort of “merit” system was helpful in reminding the children of consequences – both good and bad; and also showing me where I needed to make more effort with each child in different areas of behaviour.

For a long time I kept a “points” book – I’d mark down good or bad behavior as points added or gained, and once a week we’d all sit down as a family and discuss it, with minor “prizes” or privileges for more points, and loss of privileges for less points.

As the children got older, and more of them became accountable, it began to get confusing – they’d want to know why I’d taken points off; if I’d remembered the extra good chores they’d done, if I’d remembered that they’d told me about the time when the other child had to be corrected by a third child, and the consequences I’d suggested at the time . . . which of course I couldn’t!

I was then in an irritating limbo of knowing vaguely that someone had been extra helpful, or not helpful at all; and when it came to there being privileges on offer (e.g. who could go swimming with Daddy; or who would get to stay up late) I would be at a loss to remember. And ten (at least) voices would be claiming it was they who I’d promised privileges to.

The key to EasyChild working for us is that once a week we sit down together as a family and go thru the charts with Daddy. This gives him a good picture of what has gone on, and good areas are praised, while worse ones can be discussed. After we’ve discussed the charts, I write the privileges on a white board, along with changes to bed-times for that week; and it is there is black and white for a week.

KC:     What types of behaviors were you experiencing with your children?

MT:      No major problems. Just lack of accountability. We have an expression: “you get what you inspect, not what you expect”. Unless children know there is a “penalty” for e.g. continuing to argue; they’ll keep arguing; like you point out, they have nothing to lose.

If they don’t think I am going to check up on their teeth brushing, they might be tempted to skip it. Ditto tidying their bedrooms, etc. Also, I wanted to reward those children who were being more silently helpful. In a bigger family you get those who are natural helpers, and those who are naturally lazy: “the willing horse gets all the work” as the proverb says. I wanted to redress this balance, so I wasn’t’ taking advantage of a naturally helpful child, while allowing laziness to go unchecked in another.

KC:     Did you have problem behaviors that were occurring?

MT:     Teethbrushing has been a problem; looking after one’s own lesson books; not wasting money; continuing to argue and argue and argue after a decision is made (dh is a lawyer - he is more or less a professional arguer! and I can see my oldest son growing up the same way – fine when he’s grown, but I don’t have time or energy to debate, explain or argue about everything all the time) I don’t mean I’m unreasonable, I do explain anything significant; but I am not going to debate for ten minutes on whether we are having rice or pasta with supper and why, or why not, or what if. A, 14 yob, likes to argue – almost just for the sake of it. He was doing this almost without noticing, and it was taking a lot of my emotional and mental energy to keep trying to explain things, or get annoyed and tell him not to. Since we’ve used EC I just need to click the EC screen up on to my pc, and he walks off backwards saying “uh. . it wasn’t really that important, mom . . .”

He also likes to know what is expected of him, and to let me know when it’s done, and to know that I am going to check, and tick a chart. He was slipping into bad habits because of lack of accountability. Now, even knowing that I am going to mark an incident on his chart makes him think twice about things. C, 12 yog, hates getting out of bed in the mornings. Now that she knows it will show up on the chart, she is more diligent about it. R, 11 yob know that if he doesn’t produce work at the end of lessons, it will show up on a chart, and that acts as an automatic check on him. He likes to do well, and be rewarded, and is motivated by getting extra points. LJ 10yog squabbles with siblings; it has helped her attitude that she knows she’ll be accountable for her attitude; and that it will lose her tokens or privileges. Etc etc etc. Even the 5yob puts his glasses on in the mornings, and comes for me to check his chart (before hand he tended to “lose” them, or forget, and it would be mid-morning before I’d remember).The 4 yog really wants a chart, though I don’t use it with her properly yet.

KC:    What were the different types of parenting tools and resources you tried? (i.e. Books, DVD’s, Nanny 911 advice like ‘time out mat’)

MT:    Over the years we’ve not really changed our parenting *methods* much. I believe that children need loving, firm, consistent boundaries, and that parents need patience, perseverance and prayer!

Where I’ve fallen down is in being consistent; and in setting obvious rules or expected behaviors plainly.

Love, accountability, and consistency, along with penalties and privileges, sums up what we are aiming for (Could make that into CLAPP – a new parenting method, lol). We are Christians, but don’t use any specific Christian training manuals.

In the UK, there are far fewer books on parenting, and none from a Christian perspective. Also, there are no parenting books which include homeschooling; or which acknowledge the fact that some families have more than two children! I have read lots of US books on child training mostly from the conservative side of the spectrum; and found some of them very harsh. And there are people, of course, who believe that any sort of parenting tool (behavior charts, etc) is wicked and abusive, because children are naturally able to decide how to behave and then do it, without any need for guidance, encouragement or accountability.]

I tried the PEGS system, but it didn’t work – kept falling down, children would move each others’ discs, etc. I tried keeping a note in a notebook, but it would get lost (strange how it went missing when there was misbehavior to note down . . ; ) and I tried writing on a whiteboard. None of these worked because in the end I didn’t have a specific note of who had done or not done what, and when. Then the child would adopt an air of unjust injury and claim that it wasn’t him who . . . and I honestly would not remember.

There’s a limit to what a home schooling mom of 12 can keep in her head at one time : )

KC:     What has improved in your household since implementing EasyChild?

MT:     Accountability; the children being aware of their actions and knowing consequences. It saves me getting mad or threatening things I won’t do (like major losses of privilege – you know, you get so cross you say things like “that’s it, you are never going on that computer again . . I’m going to throw out that game since you never pick it up . . . you are going to go to bed at 7pm every night until you are 21!” etc!

Now, I just make notes on the chart. . . and when we come to our weekly “points time” (which the children all look forward to) we can discuss negative behaviors *without* negative feelings. Which is far more useful

KC: What do you like most about EasyChild?

I like the fact that it is plainly set out what you are expected to do, and you get positive points for doing it. This was a new idea, in a way, getting points for ordinary behavior – rather than just for “extra” good behavior” or losing them for negative behaviors.

The children like to tell me when they’ve done their expected behaviors and I have a few times a day when I run thru it quickly and ask if they’ve done what they should have. It is always there, in front of me, while I am schooling; and never far away while I am doing other things. None of the children are allowed to use it – they can’t alter their records (a big flaw in other systems).

EasyChild is certainly the best “record keeping” tool I’ve ever tried.

EasyChild is detailed without being over complicated; and pc based
(I can’t lose the computer very easily ? )

Having 12 children in 13 yrs has meant we’ve all had to pull our weight and get on with things; a record like the points sheet means I can see who is not doing their share, and who is doing more than their share. Which is a great help in motivating the dc and in motivating me to stay calm, and at the same time impose consequences fairly.